Beware The Serial Kissers

In a previous post, I mentioned that I am anti-kissing for my kids (ie I don’t like people kissing my kids esp. if they have even the slightest cold) because it is a possible way to pass on infections to them.  Aside from the physical consequences, an article I read on Babble stated an opinion that asking a small child to kiss others (at your will) can actually be emotionally damaging to them in the long-run.  (OK, I can see the eyes rolling now in front of the computer screens.)

The ideas in the article actually struck me.  According to the article “Physical affection when not given freely is wrong. Full stop.”  And we shouldn’t pressure our kids to perform acts of physical affection nor pressure them to be OK with “strangers” kissing them.  Although controversial, I do tend to agree.

Just imagine this situation: You’re having lunch with your mom and she sees a friend she hasn’t seen for a long time.  Her old friend (who is a complete stranger to you) asks you to give her a hug and kiss.  Wouldn’t that be really weird??  (Or is it just me??)  It always makes me feel uncomfortable when someone I just met gives me a kiss as a greeting.  And for little babies and young kids, practically everyone is a complete stranger (even some immediate family) and we subject them to this weirdness every time we ask them to kiss someone they hardly know or have any emotional connection with.  (The things I think about while putting the baby to sleep!)

Because I see the merit in the ideas in the article, I have stopped asking my daughter to kiss or hug even our immediate family (mainly because it doesn’t come naturally to me either).  If she wants to, then I don’t stop her.  I also don’t ask other kids to do the same to me.  As a parent, it’s actually much nicer when my child goes up to me and kisses or hugs me out of the blue rather than when she does so out of habit.

©OCMominManila

DISCLAIMER: I don’t mean to judge people who like asking kids to kiss them or others as a form of respect (basically 99.9% of the population).  This post isn’t about you but of my own personal weird paranoia and beliefs (also the crazy thoughts that go on in a new mom’s head at 3:30AM while breastfeeding).

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21 Responses to Beware The Serial Kissers

  1. mymommyology says:

    I do ask Sam to kiss / hug certain people (ie dad, me, jamie) for certain reasons, like if she accidentally hurt one of us, or says “congratulations” for winning a game, or to say thank you for something nice. That said though I do agree with you and the article! There are just certain people I wouldn’t mind that my kids didn’t kiss or hug, and I wouldn’t want them to do it just because I said so.

    Sam will choose to hug some of her peers because they want to hug her too, but then I’ve also seen her cringe when someone she doesn’t want to hug her does, and that’s okay.

    I guess it’s okay to ask for a hug and a kiss from a child you know too, but you shouldn’t be offended if they say no. Ultimately ikaw yung mapapahiya so better na nga not to put yourselves and them in that situation. Actually in Sam’s school now, they’re teaching them to shake hands for hello and goodbye, basta lang magpaalam. And they teach the other kids to always ask me first if they can touch Jamie instead of just pouncing on her (with their dirty hands!) when we pick Sam up.

    Haba ba. hahaha.

    • ocmominmanila says:

      I’m wary of hand-shaking too. I swear we should really just adopt the Japanese or Thai ways of greeting each other.

  2. Om in Mom says:

    Well if I ever come to the Philippines I’ll have to hold in my urges to give you a giant snog then! Air kiss ok for you?! 😉

    • ocmominmanila says:

      But you’re my friend!! I’m talking about strangers or people you just met who start giving you kisses. Hahaha. But if you do have the flu, I’d ask you to quarantine yourself first before I see you (bwahahaha).

      But I’d love for you to come here!

  3. there are times that I tell my daughters to kiss or make beso to their grandmother (though my mom is not that old pa…) and to their uncles, aunts, cousins and all. but know what I was caught in 1 situation na ndi ko naman talaga kilala yung mga bata and I really don’t know what to do whether to make beso to these kids or not. baka sabihin suplada ako so I just smiled na lang. hahaha! haaay. but I do try to tell my kids if ndi kilala yung aunt or uncle, to make “mano” na lang. (hahaha).

  4. Rone says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more! I absolutely do not force my kids to kiss anybody. Not even my own mother when they were little. Now they kiss her on their own will which is even more meaningful for everyone. They are more generous with giving kisses and hugs now that they are older. I have also explained to him that out of respect for people they are introduced to they should at least acknowledge them with a “Hi!”.

    • ocmominmanila says:

      I notice that with M too. Somehow, she’s very generous with kisses now.

      And a “Hi” “Hello” or “goodbye” would suffice na for people you just met diba?

  5. Jenny says:

    you know what i hate most?! school moms who pair up my daughter with their son!!! they think it’s cute – hallo – they are still in nursery!!! tapos ipa-kiss pa nila! how do you politely say – please lang – i don’t let my daughter kiss other people!! argh!

  6. Oh gosh… I have to say I agree!! For HEALTH reasons! I always get sick when kids make me beso (because they are contagious up to 10 days after they get better from sickness!!!) so now I just shake hands and I am definitely rethinking this habit for our future kids! Thanks for speaking up on your feelings! ❤

  7. Martine says:

    It was only when I became a preschool teacher that I realized just how often little kiddies are riddled with all sorts of colds, coughs and viruses. That’s why I never forced V to kiss anyone, especially if he doesn’t like them or know them. I hate it most when old titas or lolas cajole the little guy, or say “ang snob naman nyan bata na yan.” Whatever, haha. He’s pretty resilient though against colds (for now!), but know what’s up ahead, especially when he’s finally in nursery school!

    • ocmominmanila says:

      I’m really thankful about breastfeeding because I feel that is the biggest reason why M is hardly sick. I should write about that. On the “snob naman nyan” comment, my answer would be “Mana, e.” Hahaha

  8. I so agree! 😉 We usually ask the kids to make “mano” instead. :) And, I TOTALLY agree with Jenny’s comment – I loathe it too when people pair up kids who are still in preschool, or not even in preschool yet! Haay. :-)

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